The Bed Dream

The Man’s Dream
A young couple, whom I know, are laying on a bed. She’s wearing a short white satin dress, he’s wearing white silk, shorts or pajamas. There’s also a younger man, perhaps in his teens, laying on the far left side of the bed. I am standing at the foot of the bed with a stuffed toy fish tucked under my left arm. I say to the couple, “cheek to cheek, elbows to elbows”. The man says, “How about making coffee?”
Questions to clarify the scene [therapist]
There’s no blanket or bed coverings? “No”
How much space is between the boy and the couple? “Just enough for me. That’s where I fit in.”
Could you describe the characters?
“Well, the man is about thirty, an athlete who is proud of his body and dresses himself accordingly, but with a lot of class. He’s very good looking, sensual, and artistic. He’s Scots, Irish, English, maybe a little Scandinavian, as is the woman. She’s got curly, light brown hair, lighter than his. She’s very pretty and comfortable in her body. She’s showing off her slender legs.
The teenager looks a lot like the couple, only darker hair and his clothing is a dark brown. He’s too old to be their son.”
And how old are you?
“Well, I felt like the me I am now, but the fish is more like something my children would have had when they were three or four. So I guess I would have been about four. The expression is odd though, I don’t ever remember using it.”
Who did use that expression?
“An elder, a Native American leader I knew, a recovering alcoholic who was struggling with his poorly defined sexual boundaries. Women complained that he was intrusive and inappropriate. He said it when he wanted people to get closer and squeeze in. He said this several times at Native American Church meetings, occasionally in the Sweat Lodge ceremony. He made a lot of money off of the people’s contributions and he wanted everyone to fit.”
Does the couple remind you of anyone?
“Yes. My mom and dad. Actually, when my dad was 30, I would have been 4 at the time. My mom would have said she was 33. She lied about her age. She was actually 36. We didn’t find out until it was time for her to get Social Security, then she told the truth. Her birthday was 9-10-11, my aunt said, “how could you forget that?”
Describe your mom at that age
“She was very beautiful, a terrific dancer. She wanted to be Isadora Duncan

Isadora Duncan

and had several pictures of herself in costumes like the famous dancer. She actually performed at the University, in modern dance. She liked to travel and write, she wanted to be Ernest Hemingway. She was well read, sexual and intellectual. She wasn’t much of a mother though, not very affectionate. She wasn’t cold. She told me (about the time I married) that she was waiting for me to turn thirteen so we could have a conversation. My dad was the warm, loving and sensual one. He played with me and my brother. Mom only had sisters so she treated us like girls.”
How old do you think the teenager is in the dream?
“Hard to say, twelve to fifteen maybe. He’s gone through puberty. My dad’s attitude changed when I went through puberty. He became more distant, emotionally more reserved, unless he was drinking whiskey, then his boundaries came down. He was like the old man, the Native guy then, telling lewd jokes and getting into everyone’s intimate physical space. He even got my girl friend to sit on his lap once. Man, that was embarrassing!”
Now try to imagine an identity for these characters. Which of the Greek or Roman gods and goddesses do these people remind you of?
“The woman is clearly Aphrodite or Venus, goddess of lustful, sensual beauty in the feminine form.

Eros and Aphrodite

The satin gown was reflective, like a pearl, or perhaps more like the moon. The man was young and trim, handsome like Hermes, slippery and changing as Mercury, more of a lover than a warrior. The adolescent guy was sort of like Dionysos, the god of wine and ecstasy, but there was something else about him.  He was sort of like Ganymede, the shepherd who attracted the sky god Zeus’s attention. Zeus took the form of an eagle and befriended the young man, then picked him up, and flew up to the heavens, to Olympus.

Ganymede and Zeus as eagle

Now that I think of it, Zeus had affairs with goddesses, nymphs, Titans, and humans. Dionysos’s human mother became the silver moon in some stories. Oh, and Zeus was Hermes’ father.”
Here the masculine archetype of the father and the trickster are merged. The female archetype as the Titan Maia gives birth to Hermes (the trickster), son of Zeus. As Aphrodite she gives birth to Eros, son of Zeus. As Semele, the human mother, she does not carry her son to term. Hera tricks Semele into asking her lover to show himself in his true form, which “fries” her. Zeus sews the fetus into his thigh. When the child is “cut out” at term, Hermes carries the newborn Dionysos away and hides him with foster parents, who raise him as a woman. This is to hide the child from Hera, Zeus’ wife, who killed the mother and would do the same to the son. The feminine archetype is multifaceted and has a negative aspect in Hera. None of these females are good mothers. I imagine that all of these qualities could be seen to some degree in your biological mother’s attitudes and behavior, would they not?

Dionysos and Satyr

“Certainly.”
And your father exhibited a composite of qualities as well, didn’t he? Wasn’t he often acting like (a) Zeus, the ordering principle, (b) Hermes, the god of commerce, communication and sexual initiator, and also (c) Dionsysos, the god of intoxication?
“Yes, and also Eros. He’s in bed with us too.”
Can you see those same characteristics as part of your personality?
“Yes, after all these years of therapy, I can see how sometimes I act like all of the characters. I can be seductive in a feminine or a masculine way. Sometimes I am logical and directive, other times slippery like Hermes, and when I used to get drunk, I was just like my dad, and Dionysos. And I can see how I am like both Zeus and Ganymede. I have played both of those roles too. But what do you make of the fish I am carrying?”
What comes to mind?
“Well, my dad liked to fish, but he would never teach me and my brother how to fish. And the fish is the symbol of the age of Pisces. It is also the acronym in Greek for the Christ. There are a lot of similarities between the Christian communion and the symbolism of Dionysos, whose blood and body (the grapes) were crushed, put in the cave, and were reborn as wine. My dad was a Mormon and my mom a Unitarian (actually a recovering Lutheran), so they raised us as liberal Protestants, Presbyterians. Our pastor was into drama. He was an intellectual like my mom, but he wasn’t spontaneous, extemporaneous like my father preferred. Dad was an actor in all the High School plays, so he was also dramatic.  I guess I was carrying the Christian message like a stuffed animal, under my left arm, the feminine side. Actually I am the only one in the family still trying to embody the message of Christ.”
But you said you act like all of the characters.  They aren’t Christian.
“Yes, it is paradoxical. That’s for sure. But we always had coffee after church. Usually my parents were hung over and often my dad would drive us to Sunday School and arrive after church to pick us up. During the coffee hour I got to hang out with some amazing elders, mostly women, who were the good mothers for me during that time. That’s also where I met John Cole, whom I would have followed to India, had my parents allowed it. He was the man I projected my inner Christ upon.”
How does it feel to hold all these images and ways of being within your self, within your personality?
“Sometimes it feels pretty crazy. I have to stop myself from acting on what I am feeling and try to check out where it is coming from. Usually that saves me a lot of embarrassment down the line, but not always. I love to dance and when I do, I guess you would call it ecstatic dancing, I can be all of these characters. Occasionally I will attract men and women who want to dance with me as I portray different aspects of my personality. It is interesting and usually I can maintain my core. I can be myself and “de-role” when the music stops. It is harder to do in other contexts. I love to act and I have fun playing different roles when I can find others who like to do improvisations. Mostly I just write it all down. I journalize my process.”